Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire

 

“She can feel it. Kong. Godzilla. They can feel it too. Something is coming. Something even they’re afraid of.”

Ludicrous, incredulous and bombastic, Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire is an implausible, illogical, thunderous blockbuster that verges on genuine insanity with tidal waves of exposition, explosions of absurdity, and a magnitude of suspension of disbelief so immense it dwarves its titular titans in a film so gobsmackingly nonsensical it’s almost impressive.

Discussion Points:

Big Monkey fight Big Lizard. AGAIN! And it’s just as dumb, stupid, laughable and inane as before. Some films gave exposition dumps, this one has exposition tsunamis! Messianic prophecies, revenge fuelled ape warlords, different levels of a hollow Earth and a long lost civilisation. I don’t think a human character says a single line that isn’t exposition. It’s all absurdly ridiculous. But the film kinda knows that. So it just wholeheartedly commits to the insanity. And I enjoyed the ride. I laughed (mostly at the film) but was entertained throughout. Zero gravity Godzilla/Kong fights! Kong ragdolling a tiny ape to beat another ape then befriending said tiny ape! Godzilla doing a reverse Ocean’s 11 and just absolutely mercilessly killing titans to gain more power. There are so many genuinely ludicrous moments that left me going - “who the hell came up with this? And thought it was a good idea!?” Dan Steven’s Ace Ventura for Titans knockoff likes 80s music as a character trait, so we get 4 absolute unearned needle drops that add nothing. And the rest of the cast also feels wasted. Talented award-winning actors given the most shallow lines and emotional arcs imaginable. However, Kong does get a genuine arc and there’s some fantastic non-verbal storytelling sequences between the creatures that actually conveys emotion and narrative. I’m genuinely impressed at the visual effects and how tangible and real everything feels. Every world, creature and fight looks absolutely incredible. But the lack of physics also makes everything feel so fake! And there is also no better example of how Hollywoodified these characters have become than comparing this to Godzilla Minus One. No subtlety. No nuance. No allegory. Just bloated franchise bait that’s bombastic and brainless yet hugely entertaining monster mayhem. Frequently gobsmacked, eagerly grinning, inwardly groaning. Gargantuan glorious goofiness.